Still asking... still waiting!

In my August post I asked, "where is my goodbye?" Twenty-five days later, I am still asking and still waiting for an answer. From war day one, I believed the war will not accomplish anything. The proof is life in Lebanon today. The political leaders still hate each other and they still cannot reach a concensus about how to live together in peace.
During the war, I wrote an article for Valley Life, an Italian magazine in the Tuscany region. I was living the ugliness of war, I was depressed and upset, so naturally, I wasn't going to write my best article ever. I sent it though, pretty convinced that it was the best I could do then. But now, I look at at and I don't like it. It is too sad, too bitter, too bleak. Not a single word of hope. I feel ashamed now. Not for writing the article that way, but for feeling that way. The article feels like the end of the world. In my defence though, it did feel like the end of the world. It felt as if I'm never going to enjoy a good night's sleep. But still, I should have been optimistic that "this too, shall end" (as said in My Best Friend's Wedding). I have a personal history of optimism, determination, perseverance, and pure stubborness to go on. They all disappeared in the war. I was left with pessimism, anger, and hatred. I will never ever be proud of those war days. They will always stand as the some of the worst in my entire life.